The boogiest and woogiest of albums

While that is true, it makes sense for antivirus/edr software to run in kernelspace. This is a fuck-up of a giant company that sells very expensive software. I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiment, but I mostly see this as a cautionary tale against putting excessive trust and power in the hands of one organization/company.

Imagine if this was actually malicious instead of the product of incompetence, and the update instead ran ransomware.

The itchy one

I expect it would be relatively easy to make