becool

It’s $1.99/month or $16.99/yr, which is waaayyy less than $3/month. Less than half that, if paid annually.

oh my god lol. perfection.

you haven’t thought this through. what if they add a “daddy” to the end of everything they say?

turning off 3 lights daddy

your payment has been processed daddy

three hours ago, central intelligence discovered that, sometime between 0230 and 0415 this morning, a rogue russian sleeper cell, acting in the president’s secret service, was activated and instructed to abduct the commander-in-chief. he was successful, and the president is missing. for the last 3 hours, we’ve been searching, and coming up with nothing. that is, until roughly 5 minutes ago, when a gps unit hidden in his suitcase began transmitting. we have pinpointed the location of the suitcase. it appears to be coming from a decommissioned missile silo in the nevada desert, located 150 miles west of the hoover dam. we know not whether the president is still with the suitcase, but he is no longer our priority. the suitcase, which is a terminal that offers it’s user complete access to every active nuclear warhead in the country, is our primary concern. as you can imagine, the president’s life is inconsequential and you will waste no time or energy to secure him. your mission is to infiltrate the decommissioned silo and retrieve the suitcase terminal. all rules of engagement are suspended, any loss of life south of a nuclear holocaust is authorized, civilian or otherwise. the case must be retrieved at all costs. we’re counting on you. daddy.

thirsty dog f/ president

pros:

• mega cute
• the handsomest boi
• him wuv scritches
• dookie outside
• loves to be around you
• make u do that thing where u think ur gonna explode out of your skin and u squint ur eyes real hard and your arms and fists shake and you say OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWA and he lay on his back and you scratch him belly and kind make a tent over him and try to hug him to death
• if he doesn’t like somebody, then you know they’re straight up evil

cons:

• if you say anything bad about thirsty dog i’m probably gonna slash ur tires.’

The choice is clear.