Just one last Rule i told myself… Rule this. Rule that. UGH! I look at the nutritional value on the can of beans, and what do i see? Sodium 19.6% WHAT THE FUCK. “Rule.” i say with the posture of a zombie.

It’s in me now, it’s like a fucking twitch that won’t go away. I asked the store manager how long they’ve been open for, as the last time i saw them the store shut down to a rat infestation (dog infestations are also real apparently) and the manager looked at me with an expression similar to a contract killer about to pull the trigger “One night.” the dumb words fell from her stupid fat fucking lips like crumbs being catapulted by a hiccup. From that moment she transformed before my eyes into a hippopotamus, and me, just a lowly swamp chicken, i fell for a trick that was never meant for me. I immediately convulse on the floor as the sleeper cell neurons activate, “SI- s-s- UG- AR- SIX!?!?! AH-”

I woke up on the sand, my back completely burnt, except for a silhouette of a hand on my ass cheeck. “What a freak with bad taste.” I attempt to wipe it off, but only my skin peels. I look around to acess the situation i just arrived in, the beach looked abandoned until my view reached the shore to my left, people huddled around something near the waves, as i go to inspect the potential homicide case, the lifeguard stops me “Sorry haha, the shark is ruling the waves right now dude!” My mind shatters and i drool as my body releases acres of sweat- “WH- WWHHAAAAT, RULE!!! S-S-SHARK?? R-RRRR RUUULLEEE… AUGH… SHARK. UHH… YE- YYY… YES!!! RULE!!” The sweat creates a mud undeneath me as i sink beneath it like quicksand, and there i disappear for good.